the end of a year

and the end of an era. the end of an age and the beginning of the rest of my life. it’s been a really odd year. i say odd because you could substitute any adjective for “odd”. the good the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. i’ve never been so optimistic about the coming year. i’m hoping i will be able to call this the first 1/3 of my time on earth, although i can die today knowing that i’ve lived a life that most people never know.

thanks, god.

the push

god, i love the weather today – dark and rainy and 60 degrees.

next week amy and i are celebrating 15 years. i thank god everyday for her. she’s my standard for all women and none can compare to her. her beauty, wisdom and grace keep me a humble man.

almost out of the woods for this semester. ended up with a 95 for my survey of operating systems class, skills based final in networking today, intro to computers (i wish i was joking) final on friday, and the online final for networking on monday. these 2 exams in networking count as 50% of my grade, so i’m a little stressed. i know i’ll do great, but i tell myself i won’t to keep my edge.

then christmas… it will be a good one this year.

hope all y’all are well today.

hey thanks

we had a great thanksgiving, yesterday. got to spend some time on the road, some time outside, eating, talking, shooting guns, shooting pictures, thinking, praying, hugging, kissing… and not taking any of it for granted.

eat, drink and be merry.

november is basically over

and so is my first semester. i’ve got 5 more to go before i’m through with my degree; probably another one (or two) after that to complete my double major. it is well with my soul. i may not be playing music like i want to be, or making any money but the chance to really learn something that will be critically important in the future of our developing world and have a career that will constantly be about learning and growing and evolving is really really good for me right now. right here. where i’m at. and since that’s the nature of what i’m doing – the days to come as well.

it’s completely bizarre for me to stop at this juncture in my life and look around. probably because i need to keep moving – don’t have time to stop and enjoy the view. i think that’s ok because the substance of this journey; this leg; is incredibly vibrant. i feel like a newborn everyday. not just because of school. my relationship with amy has never had so much depth and honesty and it’s that way with so much of the daily drudgery that used to bury me. i find it all (mostly) interesting.

man – i could really go on and on right now, but i have to help thing 1 build a volcano, thing 2 with math and thing 3 with spelling words – then supper – then i may even get to subnet for a while.

(wish me luck in court tomorrow. stupid registration laws – why do i have to tell you it’s my car EVERY year??)

hi there

well -

yes, it’s been a while. i’ve been feeling more expressive in short bursts via other online channels. tumblr, twitter, facebook. plurk, pownce and brightkite make it easier to document my steps through a day any more. all i have to do is sit down for 15 minutes to post a blog, but that somehow seems so tedious anymore. odd because i spend so much time on my machine studying the osi model for network communications and trying to lean the unix cli along with winxp. but hey – i’m just being honest with you.

i have some extra time this morning because i’m not home. it’s a long story that starts with me trying to get amy’s car washed and ends with it in the shop and a rental on the way while the repairs are being made.

i am at starbux using the att wi-fi that is now included with my home and wireless internet packages. fun. no, wait! what’s really fun is the first coffee shop (the dripolator) i went to didn’t have their network up, so i left. i was going to sit for hours and spend hundreds of cents with them… their loss. and to add to the joy of being tethered to the internet for basically everything i do, tack on a 30 minute phone call with att support to just get my username and password. w00+!

hope y’all are good – i still keep up with my subs, reading most everything most days. if you don’t see me around here – come check me out here: thomasfitzpatrick.com

xoxo

10.8.8

it’s sean’s birthday. he’s 7. he’s my right hand man. my main man.

i want to be the man that he models his life after. i want to give him confidence to be completely himself, and at the same time the courage to be a real man that isn’t afraid to live unfettered from an attitude of entitlement and apathy.

he will be a man that lives everyday in the presence of god, quietly resolute and determined to be a leader that dwells neither in his successes or his failures, but always prepared to take risks and carry his accomplishments into every new opportunity.

sean, here’s to a long fulfilling life, lived in the favor of god, with a beautiful and loving family always by your side, the trust and respect of your peers and a road paved with adventures too many to number.

i love you.
dad.

sept already?

sitting in the house with the windows open and the radio on. it’s a familiar situation – a day that i’ve lived in 100 ways, with a central core. the meaning of these things are an enigma that will never be understood by anyone else, as my eyes are the window to my soul and my skin feels the breeze that will only blow once in this particular manner and the dj may save the playlist, but the ambient accompaniment to the music is pure in musical truth.

temporality

clocks unwinding

the process of time is a movement through space. i’m always surprised at where i am in comparison to a year ago, or 5 or 20; i have been moving through space whether inert or in motion. my body shows the signs of this space travel, and my mind has catalogued the journey. the faster i travel, the more time should slow down, and lethargy should kill me off rapidly. how do you enact this sort of time travel and still keep your lover and you family and your friends? i’m afraid it’s they hybrid operation of pace and rest… and besides, i don’t want to watch 1000 years pass by in a second just because i’m having tea on the edge of a black hole. like i said, i think it would be lonely out there, or traveling at the speed of light. i think i’ll just wait patiently for eternity. i bet god has this all figured out.

67 seconds of us

done wrong…

it hurts to be done wrong. even if you’ve done wrong. doing wrong somehow seems to be an acceptable behavior to do wrong to, but as gandhi said: “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” even if it feels justified.

god has given me a boatload (the kind that carries all the shipping containers) of grace to walk this path i chose. in that package of grace is an abundance of grace that i have to give to others who are suffering from the delusion of grandeur that exalts them (in their mind) to the position of judge and jury. god alone is able to judge our hearts and exact a sentence. no one wants to have that responsibility placed on them, especially when hypocrisy is an excluding factor for that position. the blameless can blame, but if there is any flaw of spirit in word, thought or deed, then that judgement is nullified and since that’s all of us, god is crowned the sole being under whom rests the fate of the offender. anything else creates another offense… or was jesus just being cheeky when he said “remove the plank from your own eye before pointing out the speck in your brother’s eye”? besides, what god makes right out of a wrong is the ultimate “right” in the plan of eternity.

i find a lot of peace resting in god. i no longer have to worry about a standard of behavior for my fellow man to attain to – it’s hard to swallow, but only god can change someone, and it’s not our responsibility to try to change anyone. all we are asked to do is to mirror christ in our life. that means all i’m responsible for is me, and how i respond to god. if he wants to use me to shed light to those in darkness, i’ll shine – if he wants to use me to call out to the searching ones, i’ll sing – if he wants me to help the fallen stand up again, i’ll give my hand.

i guess this revelation for me lies in the core truth of love. god’s love for everyone is greater than even mine for myself. if i allow myself to live in that place of trust that comes from a security in knowing i’m loved and cared for, i can believe that it’s possible for everyone to know that life transforming power.

judge not. love much.